Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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