when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
