someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
