Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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