If i come over, it means nothing
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
