I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
