Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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