I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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