I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
