Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
