she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
