where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
