I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
