dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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