Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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