i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
