When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
