You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I want is dick and wine.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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