you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
