Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
