every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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