I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
