we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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