Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
