He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
