nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this will be a night to untag.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
