It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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