I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
