i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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