There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
