i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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