The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
