first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
