the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
