Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I understand Curling. That high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
last night I used snow as a chaser
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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