I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
