I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
