I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
