Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
