just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
