Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
