Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
