I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
