Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
