I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
