i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
