This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
