I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
