Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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