the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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