They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
