I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
