I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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