I wish I could teleport
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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