Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So vagazzling was a success
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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