just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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