I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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