dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
