Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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