Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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