Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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