Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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