Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
