I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
