i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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